MEET MY DEMON

* Note this was written over a severe episode of Depression, and the views shown in this do not represent me at my best*

You want to know what my biggest issue is? The thing that holds me back, the demon that I cannot shake. Sabotage.

I self- sabotage, I do it so much if it were a sport, I’d be an olympian going for Gold.

Every time something gets good, I find something to make it go bad, or I stop trying, or I let it slip and fall behind, or I simply give up on myself.

I fall behind, I skip classes, I defer exams…I shut my self off.

I close my self off to the world around me, I stop caring and it becomes so visible in my actions. I get snarky and I get angry at myself and those close to me, and I blame myself and then I blame others for making me think that this is my fault, that my laziness could be helped and my mental health could be avoided if I just smiled more and stopped being sad.

I can’t bring myself to get out of bed and take my meds and yet I am expected to sit quietly and study hard, and the truth of the matter is that’s exactly what I do becuase I have too much money invested to turn away now.

I don’t fail well, and I haven’t officially failed anything but a simple exam but I don’t do well when others think less of me, I spent three years as an undergrad feeling like I was the stupid one, I thought my Masters would be different, but the moment I quit Full Time Study to move to Part Time I had already failed.

I am not only fighting the expectations of others but I am fighting the expectations of a better me, and she is a MONSTER

All I keep thinking is that I am failure, to say I am down is an understatement, to say I am avoiding inevitable failure by shutting out the world would be accurate.

I woke up this morning and all I could think is ‘I can’t do this anymore’ , I am drowing in my own expectations.

I need more than want, you to know that if you are suffering, in the same mindset or are just in need of comfort, I am with you, I love you and I am praying for you.

I Love You

After the recent violence and protests in America we are once again faced with the truth.

If you haven’t gathered or if this is your first time on my blog, then let me explain.

I am a white woman from England with predominantly white heritage.

I don’t want to sit here and use my platform to tell you that
I don’t see colour, because, I do .

Instead I want to use my platform to tell you that no matter who you are or what colour you are, I see you, I value you and I love you.

This short post took me a long time to write, to find the right words, to figure whether or not I should even post and I am wholly aware that I may have butchered this whole post but I really mean what I write.

I once read that ‘privilege is thinking something is not a problem because it’s not a problem that you face.’

I hope to use my platform to show that this is a problem, not one that I face as a victim but one faced by the family of Christ, the one he died to save and knowing that you are hurt, were hurt and are still getting hurt, hurts me.

I admit to being slack in my ability to act in the world but
I hope you take my act in the spirit as a token of my affection and love towards everyone.

I am praying for peace, and love in abundance.

Exam Stresses

So I recently had an Exam, or should I say that I was supposed to have an exam.

I decided after sometime that I would defer the exam and sit it on the next rotation, it was a huge decision and the worst part about it was the stigma attached to it.

Here’s the thing I was so determined to sit the exam that I made myself sick with anxiety when I realised that I couldn’t.

In short I put my Health before my Grades.

Some people will chose to judge me for that or tell me that I made the wrong decision, or the classic “If you didn’t want exams why go to law school?”.

It might be the wrong decision for you, but it was the right decision for me, and that is all that matters.

Have you ever had to deal with a situation like this, let me know in the comments below

April 28th

So I was scrolling through instagram today and one of the amazing women of the Lawgram community posted a simple quote that has really resonated with me.

“My brain has too many tabs open”

I have never wanted to scream PREACH this loud till I read it.

I am running a blog, failing a business, getting my degree, qualifying as a solicitor, sitting 2 day exams, getting 8 hours of sleep and being a good human, all while trying to draw nearer to GOD … It’s impossible.

How do you stop your head from exploding?

Let me know in the comments below 🙂

be sure to follow @futurejdjackie to see more.

Catch up with me!

Hey everyone I hope you are all staying safe.

So if you follow me on social media you might have noticed that I have been a little absent over the last week or so, and that is down to me having the same toothache for the last week.

I have been so high on a collection on painkillers and medicine that I did not feel that it would be in the best interest of you guys for me to share that with you, thankfully I have been prescribe some strong antibiotics that are fighting whatever infection it is that’s causing the pain.

Hopefully I’ll be back to my normal self soon

Stay safe and be Blessed

Blessings

Briony

Obadiah; Minor Prophet with a Major Message

Sometimes its three in the morning and I am limited as to what I can do, so more often than not I find myself in my bible, I pray away my insomnia.

Last night was no different, I found myself in the book of the Minor Prophet Obadiah, it’s really easy to skip past him, but don’t.

Background

The Book of the Minor Prophet Obadiah is a single chapter long and named after the author, who we know nothing about.

The book is the 30th out of the 39 in the Old Testament.

It is based on the anhillation of the Edomites but GOD; the edomites were a famous people who descended from Esau; the twin brother of Jacob and Sons of Isaac and Rebekah. (Genesis 25:25-26)

The Edomites are looters who praise the other countries when they pillage, invade and capture Jewish in Israel.

The basis for Obadiah is a warning of the coming Anhillation of the Edmoites, as a result of their anti-semetic behaviour towards the Israelites.

The Anti-Semitism is noted in the book of Deuteronomy 2:1-8, when they would not let the Israelites pass throught their land on their journey out of Egypt, back to Israel.

Links in Scripture

Obadiah links into scripture in Deuteronomy 2:1-9 and Numbers 20:14-21 where the true character of the Edomite Kingdom is being shown

Genesis 12:3 and Luke 7: 29-30 is the biblical reasion behind the downfall of the kingdom of Edom.

Proverbs 24:17-18 is a the main message that is mirrored throughout the book of Obadiah

Lessons

  1. Our enemies are not God’s enemies.
    • Just because we don’t like someone doesn’t mean that our anger towards them is serving GOD.
    • We were told to love everyone.
  2. Our enemies are not God’s enemies BUT God’s enemies are our enemies.
    • WE are in an unseen war, and we have to decide if we are going to the Vitcims or the Victors.
  3. Don’t Gloat
    • God knows our heart and even thought sometimes it can be hard to love others but that doesnt give us an excuse to celebrate when they fall down
    • Obadiah 1:12
  4. A Self-centred Life is not a God-Centred Life
    • Esau and the Edomites were destryed by GOD becaue of their self-centred lifestyle, we have to remember that without GOD we are nothing

Character Study of Esau

Get your free copy of the Character Study Printable for Esau

For a blank copy of the Character Study, see out Store

Book Study of Obadiah

Get your free copy of the Book Study Printable for the Book od Obadiah.

For a blank copy of the Book Study, see our Store

Important Links

Study in Obadiah Sermon

Posts mentioned

Spiritual Plateau

Fighting with the Bible at Easter…

Daniel

Not just a man in a den of Lions…

Christian Apps

Download these now, trust me…

For more Bible related content

For printables for your sermon notes, bible studies and highlighting key to journalling supplies and inductive PDF versions of your favourite books of the Bible

Top 5 Christian Apps

We as a society are constantly on our phones, or looking at a screen, and sometimes as a result of that we are forced to chose between our social media feed and spending time with Christ, but with these five apps you no longer need to choose.

1 Soultime – The Christian Meditation App

In Psalm 1:2 we are directed to meditate on the word of the LORD daily, with this free app that is exactly what we can do, in blocks of no more than four minutes you can meditate on the word and the meaning behind it.

Available for Apple and Android

2 PrayerMate – The Prayer Organiser

PrayerMate is a mobile journal and note keeper that is completely customisable for your prayer time, write, read and share prayers for your family, church or worldwide organisations that are doing their part for the Kingdom of Christ.

Available for Apple and Android

3 The Youversion Bible App

The Youversion is a classic, I have been using this app since it was released and I have never not liked it, every update is better than before. A definite must have.

Dont forget to follow A Guide to Law Schoool on the app @brionyshutt

Available for Apples and Android

4 The New Faith Network

The online streaming service with choicely collected faith based movies, shows and documentaries; The Christians Netflix (but better… and cheaper)

Available across all devices and operating systems

5 FaithPlay

A curated collection of Sermons, Podcasts and coversations for you to listen to whenever you like…

Available on Apple and Android.

Posts mentioned

Spiritual Plateau

Fighting with the Bible at Easter…

Daniel

Not just a man in a den of Lions…

Christian Apps

Download these now, trust me…

Haggai, Minor Prophet with Major Wisdom

So I recently wrote a post on how I was in the middle of studying the book of the Major Prophet Daniel , that recently after finishing my study in Daniel for the day I felt moved by the Holy Spirit to open my bible and study the book of Haggai.

Background and Setting

It’s a two chapter long book named after the minor prophet, Haggai, who wrote it.

The 36th book of the 39 in the Old Testament.

It is based of the post-exhile history from Babylon. The Israelites are back in Judah and they have been so busy making sure that they are comfortable and looked after in thier own homes that they havent even thought about GOD and his house (the Temple)

The book of Haggai links closely to the historical book of Ezra, the 15th book of the Old Testament, the book of ezra foreshadows the fulfillment of GOD’s plans in Haggai.

Lessons

  1. Be a Good Citizen till you can no longer be a Good Christian
    • At the end of chapter one of Haggai the governor and the high-preist are wrestling with the idea that following god’s will mean that they are not folowing the Laws of the kings.
    • What we need to remember is that god makes men into kings and he takes them away too.
    • We are called to be good Chrsitians first.
    • We put GOD first.
  2. Fear of GOD is a Motivator.
    • Fear is something we tend to avoid, as christians we are told not to fear the powers of men, but instead to fear GOD, the old testament is a prime example of this.
    • Haggai 1:12 “… and they feared the LORD.”
    • Fear motivated the people of Judah to build the Temple.
      • *The Old Testament way of living is that we should fear GOD and his formidable Wrath but the New Testament gives us Jesus and tells us that we dont do things out of fear of GOD but as thanks for the scarifice of JESUS.
  3. Holiness is not Contagious, but impurity is.
    • Haggai 2:14 “Whatever they do and whatever they offer there is defiled”
      • this is GOD’s declaration to his people that just because they live in the Holy Land it does not make them holy.
  4. There is a greater Temple coming.
    • The prophet Haggai fortells the coming of Jesus.
    • The Temple that they are building in Haggai is the same Temple that Jesus teaches in when he is on the earth.
    • JESUS is the Greater Temple, Haggai 2:6-9
  5. Opposition is part of the journey
    • The people of Judah stopped builing the temple in the book of Ezra because they faced opposition, that they still used as an excuse in Haggai
      • It’s not GOD’s timing for this to happen – Haggai 1:2
        • An excuse to not do something becuase they dont want to face the opposition from polititcal leaders.
    • Paul tells us in Philippians 1:28 that oppostiioin is a sign that we are doing the right thing and for that we will get to enjoy eternal life with JESUS.

Important Links

Haggai Bible Study Sermon

Posts mentioned

Spiritual Plateau

Fighting with the Bible at Easter…

Daniel

Not just a man in a den of Lions…

Christian Apps

Download these now, trust me…

Spiritual Plateau’s at Easter

So I like to think that I normally have a very deep and spirutual Easter and Lent but with the virus closing down all of the churches I have been a little less dedicated than I would like.

I sort of hit a spiritual plateau and that is often the hardest thing to admit, but I know and have known that I have triggers for this, like anything else.

Here are my three triggers to a spiritual plateau.

1 Long Bible Studies

I have this need for everything to be done and done now. I am working against GOD’s timeline to benefit my social media.

I recently started stuying the Book of Daniel (the major prophet) and the way that I study is chapter by chapter, a new chapter every day, but in all honesty Daniel is the longest book I have studied at all, even though it’s twelve chapters long and considered the shortest major prophet account in the bible.

Normally I stick to the letters of Paul or the minor prophets, no more than six or seven chapters. I realised it wasnt healthy to be avoiding important parts of scripture because they were stuck in the middle of a larger book.

Yesterday as I was finishing up chapter nine of Daniel I was moved by the spirit to study again and I was determined to study Daniel chapter ten but I kept being moved and almost pestered to study a different book;

That book was the account of the Minor Prophet Haggai, it was something I had never considered before it didn’t make sense to be thrown into but I did it, I finished the two chapters of the book last night, and it was mind blowing.

For my full breakdown and assessment of Haggai wait to the end of this post for the link to the summary post.

2 Big Words

This sounds ridiculous I realise but it’s true I am still working through reading the entire bible, and I am still stuck in the old testament, and still stuck in Leviticus.

Now Levticus is noted for being a boring chapter, it’s the contract law of the bible.

BUT , GOD put it there so it’s meant to be read, however I have to read it in one of two translations* otherwise I zone out and my eyes glaze over.

3 Not Praying

So I have to tell you about this APP, I know that sounds cliche, dont worry I am not sponsored I just love this app.

PrayerMate is an app availale on both android and apple devices, it is a completely customisable prayer journal that you can take with you anywhere. It even reminds you to pray and you can pray for as many or as few things that you like.

Be sure to check it out HERE

Posts mentioned

Spiritual Plateau

Fighting with the Bible at Easter…

Daniel

Not just a man in a den of Lions…

Christian Apps

Download these now, trust me…